Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have already put on my inside pants.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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