just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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