I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
How's work?
Spinning.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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