I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
