Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
