My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
