Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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