I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
