i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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