so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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