I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
