For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
