so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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