I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just invented taco cereal.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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