i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
