it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
