I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
