i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
