Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
