I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
