He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
