I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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