I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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