As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
