the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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