I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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