My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
