i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
