He kissed a someone with a penis
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
