I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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