UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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