Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
