google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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