Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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