oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
