He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
