The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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