Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
