I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
