did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
