actually, I'm a sock model
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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