I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
