in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish you could order shots online.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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