You're my little dorito
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
