so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
