I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
