You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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