Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
