We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
