90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
