Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
