i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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